JUNE 2003
On the 8th of June 2003, the headline of one of my posts featured a prime example of alliteration gone wild. Here it is:
Pettitte's Piss Poor Performance! Pitcher Pulled After Pair of Pretty Pathetic Innings!
That's right up there with "Philly Fighter Fingers Fix" from the movie
Eight Men Out.
Here is my very first "maniacal cackle" as The Sherriff at ObeyPedro.com put it:
Guess what. The news gets even better. The New York Y*nkees were no-hit by the Houston Astros. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Six Astros pitchers combined to no-hit the Y*nkees for the first time since 1958. Here is ESPN's recap and the box score. Look at all those zeros!!!!! This loss puts the Sox in first by half a game and I think it will seriously demoralize the Y*nkees. They spent $180 million on players and they suck! No-one can say that they don't suck!
Here's a story about Bernie Williams' recovery. I wonder if he could have gotten a hit last night. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
One day I wrote a whole post on how I was sick of Trot Nixon (he left 12 men on base in a game), here is my favorite line:
Remember those trade rumors a few years ago? Sosa for Nixon? If that move was actually on the table, Duquette should be hung in City Hall Plaza by his balls for not accepting it.
I got so pissed off at Jeremy Giambi's sucky play that I wanted to put a cap in his ass
Jeremy Giambi starting his second straight game. Seriously! HE'S BATTING .178!!!!!!!! 187 on the .178 hitter!
and then...
And what the fuck is Grady Little doing starting Jeremey Giambi for the third straight game? I know he's trying to jump start him, but why not bat the pitchers instead? John Burkett or Tim Wakefeild could probably hit better than .174.
Some late June remarks about the pen and Phailadelphia.
Imagine the pressure on a hitter as he steps up to the plate against one of the Red Sox illustrious bullpeners. The absolute fear knowing that if you don't make him blow a save, you'll be among the few who haven't made them blow a save. Mike "Timid" Timlin, Jason Shiell, and Rudy "Rutiger" Seanez each had a Blown Save last night as the Phillies downed the Sox like a cheese steak sub. Sorry, but I had to stick in the gratuitous reference to Philadelphia's claim to fame. This is the city in which the Declaration of Independance was signed and the Liberty Bell is and a whole mess of historical stuff happened and we know it as the birth place of the cheese steak.
Ironically, my roomate this year is from just outside Philly. They call subs hoagies there. That's weird but we call things by different names here than in the rest of the country. For example, we call our football team "champions."
Some anti-French sentiments:
USA out of Confed Cup. I really wanted us to do some damage. Not because I care about the Confed Cup but because I wanted to see the US win some matches in France. Those fuckin French fags booed The Star Spangled Banner which is uncalled for. Just to show you how dumb the French are, they spray painted a Nazi swatstika on a monument honoring those who died in a succesful effort to liberate France from the Nazis. WOW
I remember when I changed my "award" for who caused the Sox to lose from the Goat-Bitch to the Bitch-Goat:
The Bitch-Goat (sounds better than Goat Bitch and makes slightly more sense)
More alliteration:
Bit of news here transaction wise. Sox sign Gabe Kapler. So that means Giambino is gone if Gabe does good. (God I love alliteration!)
It got hot and I gave this advice to anyone going to the games.
That's about it for now. Sox look for the sweep today at 1:00 EST. The forecasted high temperature is in the 90s which is good for Pedro, bad for the fans. Drink plenty of fluids and remember, beer dehydrates you, so you gotta drink more of it.
I was there when the Sox won 25-8. Here was some other things that happened at the game:
Alot of other things going on in this one. Kevin Olsen was hit in the head by a batted ball off the bat of Todd Walker. There was a little bean ball battle in the late innings. I shook hands with Dwight Evans before the game. A girl sitting two rows behind us was absolutely stunning. She was flawless, hence her name: "Flawless Victory." (MORTAL KOMBAT!)
Speaking of hotties at the ballpark:
Late in the game, two very, VERY, VERY hot girls found their way to my home (Section 36). Their arrival was met with an ovation of applause from the male population of the lower CF bleachers. Then they left, perhaps frightened by all the drunk 35 year old guys leering at them. I saw them on the way out of the bleachers and regretted not stopping and asking for both of their numbers. Oh well. So if anyone reading this knows the hot blonde who wore pink short shorts to the Tigers game on Thursday or her slightly less hot friend, E-mail me at rawbeezeitz@yanks-suck.com. DO IT!
and:
Does anybody know who that hot blonde was sitting behind home plate? She had a pink shirt on. Sie war sehr nett! Eine Schlampe!
Eine schlampe=a slut in German
Sie war sehr nett!=she was very nice (attractive) in German
My love of the expression "Activated off the DL"
Chad Fox was activated off the DL. I love that expression "activated" as if he were a robot or something. "This is Chad Fox 2000, I am willing to pitch now. Error. Malfunction. Homerun"
I hate the Y*nkees colors:
Midnight blue is for people thinking that only black heats up in the sun, not blue.
That's it for June 2003. on May 1st I'll do July 2003.
